Humor

Habemus Papam Filipini

Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz After three days in conclave, the cardinals were almost certain that the next round of voting would produce a pope to replace Pope Benedict XVI who abruptly resigned.  After all, Cardinal Vittorio Giovanni Antonini, the leading papal candidate was just three votes short of the two-third-majority requirement (one of the last Pope’s legacy was to restore the 2/3 requirement to Read More …

(Credit: AP/Charles Dharapak)

Because the GOP will never admit it nominated a morally-bankrupt misogynist who made his living outsourcing jobs By Elissa Schappell The Weeklings GOT SEVENTEEN EXCUSES for losing, but being a mendacious, flip-flopping, misogynistic, morally-bankrupt super-millionaire who made a fortune outsourcing American jobs, isn’t one of them. What happened to the Mittmentum? It’s Mitt-diculous! Did Hurricane Sandy blow Benghazi out of the water? Was it the Read More …

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Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz Sen. Ping Lacson decided to bury the hatchet so he called Justice Secretary Leila de Lima.  Their conversation went as follows: Leila: Hello, who is this? Ping: Hi, Leila.  This is Ping.  Remember me? Leila:  Ping?  Oh, like in ping-pong?  Yep, how can I forget you?  What can I do for you? Are you in trouble again? Ping: Oh, no… Read More …

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Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz After ex-prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was granted bail in her election sabotage case, she called President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III.  Their conversation went as follows: P-Noy: Hello, this is President P-Noy speaking.  Who is this? Gloria: Hoy, P-Noy!  This is Gloria. P-Noy: Gloria… who? Gloria: Aba! Eh, sino pa?  This is former President and Congresswoman Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. P-Noy: Huh? Read More …

Manny-Pacquiao.4

Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz When I found out that Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao decided to cut short his stay in Los Angeles after his stunning loss to Tim Bradley, I flew to L.A. to try catching Pacman before he left for the Philippines.  I was able to get Pacman’s Philippine Air Lines flight so I literally camped out at the LAX to make sure that Read More …

Illustration by Dave San Pedro

Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz Chief Justice Renato “Nato” Corona got a call from ex-prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo after his tear-jerking testimony at the Senate impeachment court.  The conversation went this way: Gloria: Hello, Nato. Nato: Who’s this? Gloria: This is Gloria.  Remember me? Nato: Is that you, Ate Glo?  I didn’t recognize your voice. Gloria: Well, ever since they put this gadget around my Read More …

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Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz After several months of trying to interview Manny “Pacman” Pacquaio, my perseverance finally paid off – he returned my call! Our conversation went as follows: Pacman: Hello, Perry. This is Manny. Perry: Oh, hello, Manny, what a pleasant surprise!  How are you? Pacman: I had better days.  I feel like I’m being crucified! Perry:  Well, it’s Holy Week… it’s time Read More …

A Cup O’ Kapeng Barako By Jesse Jose He speaks from the gut, they said.  He’s got a lot of gut alright.  Lotsa gut.  Big protruding gut.  Big belly.  Fat belly.  Rolly polly.  Would you want a president that’s a rolly polly?  Not only is his belly that’s fat about him.  He’s also got a fat ego.  Y’all know who I am talking about, right?  Yeah, Newt, the Grinch, Read More …

Book Description Publication Date: January 10, 2012 Perry Diaz is the publisher of Global Balita, a daily online newsmagazine, and the author of this famous Balitang Kutsero, a collection of political anecdotes about the Philippines and Filipinos in general. He started Balita in 1987 as a community newsletter. Over the years, his commentaries and viewpoints have become increasingly popular with Pinoys in the United States, Read More …

Balitang Kutsero By Perry Diaz In an interview with ANC News, President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III said that he might pardon ex-prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo if she showed remorse for the anomalies and scandals that had hounded her nine years in power.  Yep, P-Noy told Gloria, “No remorse, no pardon!” After seeing P-Noy’s interview on her TV in her detention suite at the Veteran Memorial Read More …