Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
In 1565, Spanish conquistador Miguel Lopez de Legazpi arrived on the shores of Cebu and established his rule in the name of “God, Glory, and Gold.” Four centuries later, in the 1965 presidential election, Ferdinand Marcos defeated President Diosdado Macapagal and established a dictatorship using “Guns, Goons, and Gold.” In 2001, Vice President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ousted Presidency Joseph “Erap” Estrada and began her reign for “Gloria, Glory, and Gold.” In 2010, Manny Villar wants to become President at all costs using “Gold, Gold, and Gold.” With …

Balitang Kutsero
By Perry Diaz
Recently, Sen. Joker Arroyo compared the situation faced by his friend Sen. Manuel “Titanic Manny” Villar to what the martyred Sen. Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino Jr. faced during the martial law era. No kidding! Let’s see. Ninoy said, “The Filipino is worth dying for,” and he did. Titanic Manny can say, “The Filipino is worth getting rich for.” He is now filthy rich… and getting richer every minute of the day. Indeed, there is a comparison.
I don’t blame Ninoy’s son, presidential wannabe Sen. Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III, for …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
In a recent interview with the media, presidential wannabe Manny Villar said that “it’s about time the Philippines has its first business-titan president.” And then he went on to portray frontrunner Noynoy Aquino as “a ‘babe in the woods’ who knew nothing about running a company or a bureaucracy, or even a family.” Whoa! That’s below the belt, Manny! It looks like this is going to be like the biblical battle between David and Goliath. Yup, it is going to be “Babe in the Woods” vs. “Titanic …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
With 10 candidates running for President of the Philippines, God decided to interview all of them to decide whom to anoint. God asked each of the presidential wannabes the same question: “What would be your first act on Day One of your presidency?”
God: “Who wants to volunteer first?”
Noynoy Aquino: “Me! Me!”
God: “Since you’re the frontrunner, go ahead, Noynoy. Your mom talks highly of you. So, let’s hear what you have in mind.”
Noynoy: “Lord, my first act would be to confiscate all of Marcos’ ill-gotten wealth and …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
Is Dick Gordon getting desperate? He just fired the first salvo against Noynoy Aquino in the “Demolition War of 2010.” In a press release, “Flashy Dick” Gordon said, “It is not Facebook that matters here, it is not your face that matters.” Whoa! Has he been drinking? Well, let’s look at the Facebook numbers. Noynoy has 210,988 supporters while Flashy Dick has 2,894. My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec said that Noynoy’s response to Flashy Dick was: “Eat your heart out because dehin ka pogi at dehin …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
When Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s five-year-old granddaughter Marie Angelique — Mikey’s daughter — was asked by reporters what her Christmas wish was, she said, “I wish that my ‘lola’ (grandmother), I mean… I hope she’ll be President forever!” Makes one wonder if that was wishful thinking or self-fulfilling prophecy?
Now, that wouldn’t sit well with the eight presidential wannabes who are spending billions of pesos and thousands of hours only to see Lola Gloria keep the presidency for life!
My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec immediately called his “Deep Truth” informer …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Manny Pacquiao’s revelation that he had a talk with God has created an international sensation among cultists. In a rare interview, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported his conversation with Manny.
James: Manny, is it really true that you had a talk with God as reported in the news? As you know, the only other person who claimed to have talked with God was President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.
Manny: Bah! Gloria is a phony balloon.
James: Huh? Phony balloon? Oh, you mean “phoney baloney”?
Manny: Same thing. I’m the only one …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
With former president Joseph “Erap” Estrada back in the campaign trail as a presidential candidate, it will be the season again for “Eraption” jokes. The following are some Eraptions that I found in the Internet:
How are a San Miguel beer bottle and Erap alike?
They are both empty from the neck up.
How do you confuse Erap?
Stick him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Why was the Erap proud for finishing a puzzle in only six months?
The box said “2 to 4 years!”
Why …

Balitang Kutsero
By Perry Diaz

Before filing her certificate of candidacy for congresswoman of Pampanga’s second district, Prez Gloria Arroyo attended a special mass at the St. Augustine Church in Lubao, Pampanga which was concelebrated by 22 priests. During the homily, Fr. Roland Moraleja said that the people in Pampanga need the leadership of Arroyo. He likened Gloria to Jesus Christ who “went down to serve” the people. It sounded like the “second coming” of Jesus Christ… or is it the Anti-Christ?
Is Gloria the Anti-Christ? If you count the number of letters …

Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
Folks, it’s election time and it’s time again to dream the “impossible dream.” Why not? To dream the “impossible dream” is better than not to dream at all. But there are also those who made their “impossible dream” come true. Diosdado Macapagal, the poor boy from Lubao, made it… and then screwed it up! Erap Estrada made it… and then blew it! Gloria Macapagal Arroyo made it… and then messed up everything! And there are still some people who wanna be president? They must be gluttons for …