By Perry Diaz
Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao was celebrating his victory over Timothy Bradley when his cell phone rang. He asked his manager, Freddie Roach, to answer the call.
Caller: Hello, this is Kim. May I please speak to Mr. Pacquiao?
Freddie: I’ll see if he’s available. Hey, Manny! Somebody named Kin wants to talk to you.
Pacman: Kim? Is it Kim Jong-un?
Freddie: No, it’s not that crazy kid. It’s a woman.
Pacman: Hmm… I know who it is. It’s Kim Kardashian! Give me the phone!
Freddie: She doesn’t sound like Kim K. This one sounds like a Pinay.
Pacman: Give me the phone (he grabbed the phone). Hi, Kim! I’m glad you called. I was thinking of you when I was punching Bradley’s face. You’re my inspiration.
Kim: Huh? Did you say I inspired you?
Pacman: Yes, yes! Of course! You’re always in my brain.
Kim: Brain? Oh, you mean to say in your mind?
Pacman: What’s the difference? Hey, your voice sounds different? What happened?
Kim: Well, I’m down with bronchitis. Pardon my voice, Manny.
Pacman: Oh, no! Don’t be silly. I don’t care about your voice. It’s your beauty that keeps me going, Kim.
Kim: Thank you. I’m flattered, Manny. I’ll return the compliment when I see you. When shall we meet?
Pacman: Hey, I’m available anytime! Name the place and I’ll meet you anywhere. We can meet in your place or my place, dear.
Kim: Oh no! Not my place… nor yours. My office would be the proper venue for this kind of meeting, Manny.
Pacman: No problemo, Kimo Sabe. Your office is as good as my mansion. Hehehe…
Kim: Hey, don’t kimo kimo me, okay?
Pacman: Just kidding, honey. Hey, why don’t I bring a bottle of Catu Lapit Boordoox?
Kim: You mean, Chateau Lafite Rothschild Bordeaux?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Kim: Manny, I don’t drink when I’m working. Please don’t bring anything. My secretary will serve coffee or coke.
Pacman: Coke? I didn’t know you’re into coke? Hehehe… Well, we can then have pressure while we talk business. How’s that?
Kim: Pressure? Do you mean to say, pleasure?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Kim: No, it’s not the same thing… and our meeting is strictly business, okay?
Pacman: But I thought this is a social meeting?
Kim: It’s not social; it’s official… very official. We’ll talk about the $40 million you owe…
Pacman: $40 million! I didn’t know I owe you $40 million? But I know you just signed a $40-million deal with E! to continue your reality show for another three years. Heck, I just made $40 million in 30 minutes punching Bradley’s face. Hehehe… You don’t make that much money in reality show, right?
Kim: This is not a reality show. It’s the real world! That’s $40 million you owed in back taxes! That didn’t include interest and penalty. And penalty could also include imprisonment! That would knock you out for a long, long time, Pacmano amigo.
Pacman: You’ve got to be kidding! Tell me you’re only joking, Kimmy!
Kim: I’m not kidding; I’m serious. And pleeeze don’t call me Kimmy or Kimmo Sabe. And I’m not Kim Kardashian; I’m Commissioner Kim Henares of the Bureau of Internal Revenue. And I’m calling you to collect your taxes.
Pacman: Walang hiya! Patyun kita dira!
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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to real characters are coincidental. This story is satirical and is not intended to disparage or defame anyone.