By Perry Diaz
There is a lot of speculation that President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III might be visiting former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo who is under hospital arrest at St. Luke’s Medical Center. My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec called me to say that he thought he recognized someone who looks like P-Noy enter the hospital. He was wearing a police Major’s uniform and sunglasses. James followed him and saw him go to the room of Gloria. He went next door and recorded their conversation using his CIA-issued recording device.
James sent me the taped conversation, which went as follows:
Major: Good morning ma’am. I am Major Prospero Cruz of the Philippine National Police.
Gloria: You look familiar. Anyway, what do you want, Major Cruz?
Major: Well, I am a friend of one your diehard loyalists.
Gloria: Oh, so you’re a friend of Rene, huh?
Major: The “midnight” guy? Oh, no! Not him!
Gloria: Hmm… Let me guess. Well, I have thousands of loyalists but I could only think of Rene cuz he’s the only one who could really help me escape prosecution.
Major: Well, there is another one – more powerful than this “midnight” guy – who could really help you, ma’am.
Gloria: There’s only one guy who is more powerful than Rene. It’s Penoy! But he’s not my friend. Actually, he’s the one who engineered my arrest! Grrr… And he had to go to Bali to meet with Obama, kuno. But I know that he went there so he couldn’t be linked to what his lapdog – no, no, pit bull! — did to me at the airport. Grrr… No, no, it can’t be Penoy!
Major: Wouldn’t you be surprised if I told you that it was P-Noy who sent me here?
Gloria: Huh? Penoy sent you here? No, no, no! He sent you here to spy on me! Call the guards. Get out!
Major: Wait! Think about it. Didn’t he create the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and named your loyal friend, the retired CJ as chairman?
Gloria: So what? That man is a balimbing. He has no loyalty! Also, I want to correct what you said. Penoy created a Truth Commission, not a Truth and Reconciliation Commission.
Major: That’s what you think, ma’am. It cannot be officially called as “Truth and Reconciliation Commission” cuz a lot of P-Noy’s Yellow Army supporters would get mad at him. But he created it just like the way Nelson Mandela did it in South Africa. Nobody went to prison, right?
Gloria: Hmm… You’re right. But my friends in the Supreme Court nullified the Truth Commission!
Major: Your friends saw what P-Noy was trying to do and they didn’t like it, particularly your “midnight” friend.
Gloria: Why wouldn’t they like it?
Major: Cuz if you and P-Noy reconciled, they won’t be able to embarrass P-Noy every time he does something. There is bad blood between P-Noy and the “midnight” guy.
Gloria: Now, I’m beginning to see the big picture. So, what does Penoy want from me, Major Cruz?
Major: Here is the problem. Comelec is going to file more electoral sabotage charges against you. The Ombudsman is also reviewing six plunder complaints against you, which she would soon file with the anti-graft court, Sandiganbayan. And more plunder charges are going to be filed soon. Gee, you’ll have plunder cases up to your ears, ma’am. Heck, you’re looking at 400 years in prison… or even more.
Gloria: Huhuhu… what am I going to do now? Huhuhu….
Major: Don’t cry, ma’am. Remember, you pardoned ex-prez Erap Estrada after he was convicted of plunder?
Gloria: I did it cuz I didn’t want Erap to suffer in prison.
Major: But you detained him for six and a half years without bail, right?
Gloria: What is your point, Major?
Major: Here’s the deal. Plead guilty to “electoral sabotage” and get a reduced sentence of 20 years instead of reclusión perpetua, which means “permanent imprisonment.” You’ll serve your sentence in Muntinglupa. They’ll put you in the same kubol where they put the rapist congressman during your presidency. Actually, it’s a nice and comfortable little hut.
Gloria: Twenty years! No way! Naloloko na ba kayo? Tell Peeenoy I’ll fight him every inch of the way!
Major: Ma’am, you don’t have to make a decision right now. I’ll tell P-Noy that you’d think about it, okay?
Gloria: Tell him I’ll see him in Hell!
Major: Ma’am, going to Hell would be a respite for you cuz from what I heard, the New Bilibid Prison in Muntinglupa is worse than Hell.
Gloria got up and grabbed the Major’s cap and sunglasses.
Gloria: Huh? Peeenoy! It’s you! Walang hiya!
P-Noy: Yes, it’s me, Gloria. I thought I’d visit you and offer you a good deal.
Gloria: I’d rather go to jail than accept your deal, Peeenoy!
P-Noy: Okay, so be it, Gloria.
Gloria: I’ll fight you with all my billions! The ocho-ocho gang in the Supreme Court will free me again! Yes, I’ll be free as a bird! Tweet, tweet…
P-Noy: Not till Hell freezes over. Good-bye, Gloria. Hahaha….
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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to real characters are coincidental. This story is satirical and is not intended to disparage or defame anyone.