Interview with Lt. Col. Manny Pacquiao

Balitang Kutsero
By Perry Diaz

Jose Rizal, circa 1895. Do you notice his similarity to Manny Pacquiao?

Finally, after numerous attempts, world boxing champion Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao returned my phone call for an interview.  Our conversation went as follows:

Perry:  Thank you, Congressman Pacquiao, for returning my call.

Pacman: Don’t thank me; thank God I did it.

Perry: Congressman… or should I say, Lt. Col., sir… you haven’t lost your sense of humor.

Pacman: Well, my friend, you see… every time I make one billion pesos, it humors me.

Perry: Well, in my case, just talking to you humors me!

Pacman: Hoy! Watch your mawt! What do you think I am?  A clown?

Perry:  No, no, no!  Actually, you’re my hero, sir!  Didn’t you know that our national hero Dr. Jose Rizal was like you, a boxer?  He was also a martial artist, a fencing artist, and a great lover.  And he’s a linguist, too.

Pacman:  I’m better than Rizal.

Perry: How so?

Pacman:  Well, I’m also a doctor with a PhD in Sports Science.  But I’m better than Rizal cuz I received my doctor’s degree with “honors.”

Perry: You mean, “honoris causa,” which is for the sake of honor, right?

Pacman: Same thing, same thing.  Now, when it comes to boxing, Rizal was just an amateur.  I have eight world titles; Rizal didn’t have any.

Perry: But Rizal was a martial artist.

Pacman:  That’s nothing!  He’s only a martial artist; I’m a marital expert.  Ask my wife, Jinkee.  We have four kids and seven more to go. Hehehe…

Perry: Gee!  You amaze me, sir!   But how about fencing?  Rizal was very good at fencing.

Pacman:  Hoy! When it comes to fencing, Rizal can’t beat my record.  I have installed a fence around my 500-hectare property all by myself.  Did he do something like that?

Perry: I guess you’re right…

Pacman: And don’t forget, I’m also a congressman!  And one more thing, I am a Lieutenant Colonel of the Armed Forces of the Philippines!  And I can sing, “My Way,” better than Sinatra!

Perry:  Wow! You definitely are much better than Rizal.  But one thing that Rizal was and you’re not is that he’s a linguist.

Pacman: Huh? Ling… what?

Perry: I said, linguist.

Pacman:  Lingo?  Hoy, I’m better than Rizal.  I go to church not only on Lingo but also on Lunes, Martes, Miyerkoles, Huwebes, Viernes, and Sabado.  I go to church every day of the week, not just on Lingo, amigo!

Perry: And I suppose you pray the rosary every day, too.

Pacman: Huh?  How did you know about Rosario?  Who told you that?

Perry: Rosario?  Hahaha…. Ikaw, ha!  Pilyo ka pala.

Pacman: Hoy! This is confessional information, okay?

Perry: Confessional?  You lost me there, sir.  What do you mean?

Pacman: Well, it’s like when you confess to a priest, the priest can’t tell it to anybody.

Perry: Oh, you mean, confidential?

Pacman:  That’s it!  Same thing, same thing!

Perry: Okay, I’ll keep it confessional then.  I’m getting to know you a lot better, Congressman Dr. Pacquiao.  Hehehe…

Pacman: Don’t forget my new title, Lt. Col., okay?

Perry: Oh, yeah! Congressman Lt. Col. Dr. Pacquiao it is then, sir.

Pacman:  Thank you. I just want to settle the record long.

Perry: You mean, “set the record straight,” right?

Pacman: Same thing, same thing.

Perry: By the way, lest I forget, there is one thing that Rizal was very good at — he’s a good shooter.  He knows how to shoot!  I understand that you don’t know how to shoot.

Pacman:  How do you know I’m not a good shooter?  I wouldn’t be promoted to Lt. Col. if I weren’t a good shooter.  I’m the best shooter that’s why I was promoted from Master Sergeant to Lt. Col.!

Perry:  And without firing a gun, ha?  Can you prove that you’re the best shooter?

Pacman: Of course, I can.  Just ask Rosario!

Perry: Ay naku! Maloloko ako! Good-bye, Congressman Lt. Col. Dr. Pacquiao.  Don’t pray too much, okay?

Pacman: Eat your heart out, Perry. Good-bye.  Hehehe….

(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)


13 Responses. Have your say.

  1. Perry

    Thats was a very entertaining dialog . How about doing a telecon between Mike and Gloria Arroyo when Mike was in Hong Kong and Gloria was in St. Luke hospital planning how they could escape and hide in Portugal , Spain……. Or better yet a phone conversation between Imelda and Gloria or between Imelda and P-Noy about Marcos burial.

    Perry thank you in advance,

    Rex

  2. Noynoy Marcos says:

    is this for real. Nangyari ba talaga itong usapan na ito?

  3. perry says:

    Amazing interview, kapatid !

    Warm regards to you and family.

    Apin Celones
    (Sent by email)

  4. perry says:

    I hope Manny develops other facets of his humanity so he can put his fame to the benefit of his kababayans. For one thing, he should first get rid of excess baggage, like ex-Mayor Atienza, who should himself have a little delicadeza and stop showing up in photo ops with Manny.

    Violeta P. Hughes
    (Sent by email)

  5. perry says:

    Hi Violeta,

    I agree with you 100%. Manny is beginning to carry a lot of excess baggage. His credibility is going down and if he plans to run for higher office he should be avoid things that could irreparably damage his image.

    Perry

  6. Hi Perry,

    Your make believe conversation with Lt Col Pacquiao maybe entertaining but not necessarily appropriate for the ego of our nationalistic kababayans. While, I for one, recognize and appreciate the great honors the Colonel brought to our country, it is probably disproportionate and kind of “hindi bagay” to liken him and almost put him in equal footing with our beloved national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal No doubt Manny is great, and many of us can only dream what he has accomplished. As for me, I prefer that we look up to him as the greatest pound for pound boxer. I also heard that he gives away his wealth to those who are in need–a humanitarian. I sincerely thank him for that. On the other hand, Jose Rizal is of a different league, over and way above the rest of us. My bottom line is, let’s put things in proper perspective and not mix apples and oranges. On the lighter side, I admit I enjoyed the conversation and it made laugh a bit. Best wishes, Perry.

    • perry says:

      Hi Amando,

      I wrote this satire as soon as I saw Rizal’s 1895 photo. At first, I thought that it was photoshopped to make Rizal look like Pacquiao. But I checked out http://www.HIstoryLink.org and it was a real photo of Rizal. My piece is intended for humor so take the story with a grain of salt and laugh a little.

      Best,
      Perry

  7. Don Azarias says:

    Perry,

    Lt. Col. Manny Pacquiao for now. In a few years it will be Lt. Gen. Manny Pacquiao. It’s also possible that he could become a full General of the AFP.

    Don

    • perry says:

      Hi Don,

      He might even be the second Filipino to become a six-star General. The first was Hilario Moncado who promoted himself to a six-star General from nothing!

      Perry

  8. I agree with the comments of Violeta Hughes. I sure would like to include to add another excess baggage is Chabit Singson , the governor of Ilocos Sur. He want his face shown worldwide in the TV thats why he always enjoys being behind Pacquiao during ring interview after every bout of Pacquiao.

  9. Don Azarias says:

    Perry,

    I forgot to add earlier: He might even become the country’s Commander-in-chief.

    Don

  10. Romeo Sirate says:

    There was an incident where Senator Ramon Revilla (the older one) was asked why he thinks his friend FPJ would make a great president, he has no political experience and never even ran a business. His response was, oh he can learn along the way and he has many friends that can give him advice on what to do. Pacman’s promotion to Lt Colonel is exactly the same, he was in the reserve and that makes his military expertise somewhat limited, but what the heck he has 8 world titles and he can learn along the way. Just like telling a blind person he can be a good sniper all he need is someone to teach him how.

  11. jesse jose says:

    Hey Perry,

    I agree. Moron-In-Chief should be the next rank for Pakyaw. If a retard can be a president of the Philippines, surely a moron can. For a moron is more intelligent than a retard, di ba? Hehehe.

    Jesse Jose

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