Balitang Kutsero
By Perry Diaz

Mojo called Noypi.  Their conversation went like this:

Noypi: Hello.

Mojo:  Hello, Noypi?

Noypi:  Yes, this is Noypi.  Is this Mojo?

Mojo:  Yes, This is Mojo.  Hey, I have good news for you, Noypi!  You’d love it!

Noypi: Are you going to introduce me to a chick, pare ko?

Mojo:  Better than a chick…

Noypi: Let me guess. It’s a brand-new bullet-proof 2011 twin-turbo Porsche, right?

Mojo:  No, it’s not that one.  It’s better than that!

Noypi:  Well, it must be a gold-plated Colt .45 “Gold Cup” Limited Edition, ha?

Mojo: Nope. It’s much better than that!

Noypi:  Aha!  It’s the new model of XBOX!  I knew it! I knew it!

Mojo:  Not that one, kiddo.

Noypi:  What could be better than that?  Sirit na nga, pare ko.

Mojo: It’s a bullet-proof glass mansion!  And it’s especially built for you. It’s my birthday present to you, my friend.

Noypi: That sucks!  Why would I live in a bullet-proof glass mansion?  There’s no privacy.  You want the whole world to see what I do in the privacy of my home? You’re crazy!

Mojo:  Let me tell you the special features, Noypi.  They’re state-of-the-art technology.

Noypi: Oh? Let’s hear it then.

Mojo:  The glass walls are like one-way mirrors.  You can see through from the inside but they can’t see you from the outside.  You like that?

Noypi:  Sounds good so far.  What else does it have?

Mojo:  It has the latest telescope, which can be magnified up to 10,000 times!  You can look at the craters in Mars or even the stars in the galaxy.  Or you can see the chicks in your neighborhood, up close and personal.

Noypi:  Hey, forget about the stars in the galaxy.  I’d rather see the “stars” in the neighborhood. He he he…

Mojo:  I knew you’d say that.  Ha ha ha…

Noypi:  Now, I’m interested.  What else, what else?

Mojo:  Listen to this.  You’d love this one.

Noypi:  Okay, shoot!

Mojo:  It’s got the latest in “virtual reality” experience.  You can program it anyway you want.  You can go back and forth in time.  You can compartmentalize your mind where you can virtually be in three different places in three different times: past, present or future… or all at once.  It’s surreal, Noypi!

Noypi:  Virtual reality?  Fantastic!  Now, I can experience being President of the Philippines!  Wowoweeeeeee!

Jojo: Mr. President! Wake up! Wake up!

Noynoy:  Huh? What’s happening?  Is that you, Mojo?

Jojo:  No, this is Jojo, your Executive Secretary.  You’re talking in your sleep, Mr. President.

Noynoy:  What was I saying?

Jojo: I didn’t hear all of it but it’s something about virtual reality.  Anyway, the media people are waiting for your weekly press conference.

Noynoy:  Huh?  What is the hot issue today, Jojo?

Jojo:  Well, it’s about the glass mansion, Mr. President.  I’ll brief you about the issues on the glass mansion, okay?

Noynoy:  You already did, Jojo.

Jojo: Huh?  When?

Noynoy:  Just a minute ago!  You told me about all the features of the glass mansion… like the telescope and the “virtual reality” machine.  I’ll tell the media that it’s your birthday present to me. Okay, Jojo?

Jojo:  Well, Mr. President, I think you were dreaming in your sleep.  The reality is that the media people were accusing me of owning a P40-million glass mansion! They’d be asking where I got the money to build it.  You got to back me up, Mr. President.

Noynoy:  Well, you can tell them that you built it for me.  I’ll show them the “virtual reality” machine.  Heck, I’ll even let them try it so they can experience “virtual reality,” too. They’d love it!

Jojo:  But Mr. President, that was just a dream.

Noynoy:   No, it was not a dream.  It’s real, Jojo.  Real!

Jojo:  It was only a… oh! never mind.  Ay naku, maloloko ako!

(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)