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If you were buying a used car from the candidates…
 
When John F. Kennedy ran against Richard Nixon in the US, the defining question aimed at Nixon’s character was, ‘would you buy a used car from this man?’
 
If you were buying a used car from the Presidentiables in our country, this is how it would be.
 
1) Noynoy —  It is Philippine made and the model is EDSA People Power edition. It IS iconic.  The car is 24 years old, has knocks here and there. Does not look impressive at first glance but gets better when you see the features up close. Very steady handling. Once in a while, you need people (power) to push it though. His mom and dad used to drive it. It’s colored yellow!  It is a bit battered but still good for the long haul. It has a GPS and navigation system in case you get lost. It will always point you to the Right Way. All documents are certified as real.
 
2) Villar — The car is an orange-colored sleek Cadillac with everything on it. It is heavily advertised in all classified ads, billboards and even TV and radio. It claims it can  traverse  ‘rivers of garbage’.  But the seller will not tell you that it is way too overpriced (almost 6 times) for what it’s worth. And the registration may be dubious according to some people who have bought other cars from him. But it has stickers to many exits on C5 that will let you pass for free. And you get free tickets to Wowowee.
 
3) Gibo — The green colored car was abandoned and was severely affected by the Ondoy flood. It  was also stalled , buried and recovered by backhoe beside a highway in Maguindanao. And the owner who used to drive it was an illegally licensed  woman midget who liked stepping on the gas and pushing it to strained limits. But Gibo is a good salesman and may even  dazzle you into buying it.
 
4) ERAP —  Yes, it’s the same best seller model car that was recalled, impounded and condemned a few years back because of severe defects. But it’s suppose to be OK again now, the owner claims. It’s registration which was confiscated before was restored by the same  midget woman with the illegally obtained license who strained Gibo’s car!
 
5)  Gordon — The car makes an impressively loud roaring sports car sound but doesn’t go far for some reason. They say it  handles quite well on MMDA U turns.
 
6) Brother Eddie — It ran a race before but finished 3rd. It’s owner says it runs with hardly any gas. By the grace of God, it runs!
 
7) Jamby — Says it can outrun the orange Cadillac. It’s a hybrid. It’s way, way, way at the end of the car parking lot right now.
  Nicky Perlas — Has many features that can dazzle. It’s a prototype car parked in the showroom. Not road tested. It’s practically brand new but  might never be driven, actually.
 
9) JC —  Hardly used and only for very short trips. Nice and clean with Shaldan air freshener. Has a Sto. Nino on dashboard, and a rosary hanging on rear view mirror. They took out the back seat so you can’t engage in hanky-panky! And for good luck, it is blessed by two Bishops!