Babe in the Woods vs. Titanic Manny
Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
Illustration by Dave San Pedro
In a recent interview with the media, presidential wannabe Manny Villar said that “it’s about time the Philippines has its first business-titan president.” And then he went on to portray frontrunner Noynoy Aquino as “a ‘babe in the woods’ who knew nothing about running a company or a bureaucracy, or even a family.” Whoa! That’s below the belt, Manny! It looks like this is going to be like the biblical battle between David and Goliath. Yup, it is going to be “Babe in the Woods” vs. “Titanic Manny.”
During a presidential debate, Titanic Manny questioned Noynoy’s ability to implement real reforms. Noynoy came swinging out saying that Titanic Manny didn’t take the lead in questioning the scandals in Gloria’s administration. “When push came to shove, where were you? What have you done?” Noynoy said. Actually, Titanic Manny did a lot of things… that is, making lots of money for himself.
Well folks, name-calling in the presidential campaign has started. Everybody is fair game and anything goes — below or above the belt. Sen. Dick “Flashy Dick” Gordon, another presidential wannabe, asked Titanic Manny if he was just running for President to protect his businesses. Titanic Manny complained on radio, “They’re ganging up on me.” No, sir! They just want to know the truth about the C-5 “double insertion” scandal. Right on, Dick!
Dick also asked President Macapagal Arroyo, who is running for Congress, if she was running to conceal her sins? What sins? Does Dick know something we don’t know about? It’s getting hotter over there. Whew!
Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile was targeted by supporters of Titanic Manny in the Senate for authoring the committee report that found him guilty of ethics violations in regard to the “double insertion” scandal. A coup against Enrile was reportedly being hatched by Sen. Edgardo Angara. Enrile retaliated by threatening to reorganize the Senate committees. Nobody wanted to lose their committee chairs, and the coup fizzled out. Yep, what can a bunch of amateurs do to the old fox? Enrile may be an octogenarian but they got to be careful because he was one of the “Rolex 12” who planned and executed martial law in 1972. You can’t beat the old fox at his own game.
The Catholic bishops weren’t too happy with Noynoy’s stance on the controversial Reproductive Health bill which is now pending in Congress. They posted on their website a warning that “the candidacies of pro-RH bill politicians – especially survey leader Sen. Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III (Liberal Party) – would suffer if Catholics would seriously take the call from church leaders not to vote for those favoring RH bill.” Wow! That’s a stinger! Maybe the bishops wanted Noynoy — who is a bachelor — to get married and start making a lot of “babes in the woods.”
Titanic Manny said that “becoming president of the country is his last dream.” Didn’t Gloria say the same thing before? Look what happened. After the presidency she wants to be a congresswoman, and then Speaker of the House, and then Prime Minister for life. That was one hell of a long dream she had.
Titanic Manny boasted that he’s been married for 40 years to the same woman. Bah! No big deal! Erap and Loi Estrada celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last December. The difference is that Erap had six mistresses and Titanic Manny wouldn’t admit to having one. It’s either he didn’t have any or he’s just too scared to tell his wife.
A news report says: “Presidential candidate Gilbert (Gibo) Teodoro, a former secretary of national defense, is proposing a national development plan that includes interconnecting the country’s main islands through a modern network of bridges or tunnels.” Fantastic! It would really be ideal for Gibo to run as Titanic Manny’s vice presidential running mate. If both of them win, Titanic Manny can build all the roads on all the islands and Gibo can build all the bridges to connect the islands.
Lito Banayo, a columnist and political consultant, wrote an article – “Her” man — saying that Gloria’s “secret candidate” is Manny Villar. This is going to be a battle royale — Noynoy, the “babe in the woods,” versus Titanic Manny and Gloriath. And what would happen to Gloria’s anointed candidate, Gibo Teodoro? The Japanese would say, “Sayonara, oka san.” The Italian would say, “Arrivederci, paisan.” The French would say, “Adieu, mon amie.” The Hawaiian would say, “Aloha, bro.” And the Pinoy would say, “Ha ha ha…”
For the fourth time, government agents searched Gov. Ampatuan’s mansion for firearms and found nothing again. However, the first time they found P400 million in cash. Then the last time they found another P120 million. However, nobody knows where the money went. And nobody was complaining about it either. Hmmm….
News Item: “Pacquiao could be beaten — by two men.” “There’s one way to beat Manny Pacquiao, and it would need the clone of two great warriors the Filipino boxer had previously beaten” — Erik Morales and Miguel Cotto. Well, cloning takes time. Why don’t they just put Pacquiao in the same ring with Morales and Cotto. And to make it more interesting, include Floyd Mayweather too. Like they say, “Matira ang matibay” (Last man standing wins).
I ran into an article posted on www.themetrolife.blogspot.com. It says:
Inkris Your Bocabulary by Manny Pacquiao
1. TACTICS – tunog ng orasan (sound of the time (tic tac))
2. NO PEER – nike commercial (no fear)
3. MOTOR KID – paglibot nya sa Manila (going around in Manila)
4. CHECK IN – manok sa McDo (chicken from Mcdo)
5. CORRUPT – pagsara ng mata (closing your eyes) (I don’t really get this one)
6. WIT – timbang (weight)
7. DUET – gawin mo (do it)
8. NOODLE – sagot kay Kris sa Deal or No Deal (no deal)
9. QUOTES – tawag nya kay Freddie Roach (coach)
10. CAKE – sipa (kick)
11. PANTS – suntok (punch)
12. LEAP – kaliwa (left)
If there is prevailing economic, political, peace and order instability in the country, the people need a president who is a generalist with good background of the law.
Win or lose my choice is Gibo Teodoro.
If the only hindrance in not choosing him is because of the question of “utang na loob to PGMA” and the survey does not look good for him, then DON’T vote for Teodoro.
“Titanic Manny”?! He, he, he…the “Titanic” sank, just as “Titanic Manny” will sink in May. Adios!
Hi Addi,
The “Titanic” was supposed to be unsinkable. But sunk on its maiden voyage. Mukhang nakarma si “Titanic Manny.”
Best,
Perry
Hi, Perry!
The humor and the attempt to lighten up is appreciated. Some folks are becoming too downright serious about their politics, particularly those with an obvious agenda.
By the way, the records will show that it wasn’t Manny Villar who started the slambang tit-for-tat that seems to be developing among the opposing political candidates and/or their camps. In fact, Villar refrained from personal criticisms or negative comments about his opponents or critics for a very long time, even when the diatribes and accusations against him in the Senate for the C-5 brouhaha had turned vicious and clearly politically partisan. Until most everyone realized it was never going to stop because it had become a key political weapon for some.
Who began the wholesale name calling? Wasn’t it the people who painted the upcoming electoral contest as a “fight between good and evil”, where Noynoy and his ilk were supposed to be the good guys and all the others evil?
The curious thing is that these very same people are so touchy and onion-skinned when any criticism of Noynoy is uttered. They have painted the guy as a saint, an angel, or some near-perfect being.
Fortunately, many of our people clearly remember that poor Noynoy was nowhere on the list of these self-appointed kingmakers when the search for presidential candidate began. It was Mar Roxas whom they annointed to be their standard bearer. And to Mar’s credit, he worked and prepared for the role the best way he could.
When even the best efforts of Mar did not seem enough to improve his poll ratings, the kingmakers must have really gotten worried, although they hid their anxiety by belittling the survey polls.
Then, unexpectedly, our dear former President Cory’s illness and eventual death rekindled the affection that many Filipinos had for her and the struggle they waged with her to restore democracy to our benighted country. They, we, took to the streets clothed in yellow to accompany her funeral cortege to her final resting place as a show of our deep affection and appreciation for who she had been and what she had done for us.
All of a sudden, the anxious and bewildered kingmakers and leaders of Mar’s Liberal Party and its closet allies saw an opportunity to turn their campaign problems around.
Why not Noynoy, Cory’s son? Never mind if, up until that moment, he had been largely ignored and unnoticed by them. The Cory magic had to be seized and exploited before it fizzled out. No other fellow in the Liberal Party could be clothed with the Cory magic as instantly and as quickly as her nearest of kin. And thus was Noynoy suddenly noticed. And anointed. Poor Mar could do little to prevent the sudden turnaround. His erstwhile kingmakers and cheer leaders had dropped him for Cory’s son and the only way he could save his self-respect was to go along with him in a supreme act of noblesse oblige.
This rapid turnaround of loyalties, this quick exploitation of an opportunity never imagined but offered by fate on a silver platter, had to be secured and sustained.
How? By a key strategy described as a “fight between good and evil”. They would be the good guys led by Noynoy. All the others would be the baddies.
Are you surprised, Perry, that the gloves are off and the level of civility is quickly declining?
Who started it all? Who are desperately stoking and fomenting it? And when replied to in kind, who are the quickest to whine and cry foul?
Hi Jimmy,
Unfortunately, politics is a war that has no “rules of engangement” — anything goes. Each candidate has a “dirty tricks” department. Ronnie Puno is probably one of the best political operatives today. He was instrumental in the victory of Ramos, Estrada, and Arroyo. I won’t be surprised if he’d be hired by either Villar or Teodoro sometime in March. He’s for sale to the highest bidder. And knowing what he could do, Villar would pay his price.
In the case of “Good against Evil” that you referred to, it was at the time when there were no official presidential candidates yet. It depicted Nonoy as “good” and Gloria as “evil.” At that time, Gloria was believed to be running for president herself or anoint a candidate of her choice.
The May elections would probably be the worst and most violent since the time of Marcos. A failure of elections is imminent because of the automated election system that they will implement without testing it rigorously. At this time, I’d say 50/50, but it could get worse because of delays in delivery and insufficient testing.
Best,
Perry
From my own point of view, the Gordon-Bayani Tandem beats them all. Both are known for their performance, I guess we can call their team the Political Will Team. Both are no nonsense government officials who get their job done. Look at Olongapo, Subic, Marikina, Metro Manila which underwent massive improvement under their leadership.
Perry,
The stink may nauseate people enough for the electorate to take revenge in the polls.
Ben Oteyza
(Sent by email)
Hi Ben,
I hope the people won’t be fooled again by bearers of false hope and empty promises.
Best,
Perry
Hello Perry,
CHEER KUNO!!!
Hummm…. These Balita meant a lot for others what is right or wrong though….What? These Candidates don’t really realized that both of them over / under estimate personally what others can really manage for themeselves …. that’s not the issue for TODAY’S Coming National Election…. Let’s face REALITY…. these has always been the TITLE / CRITERIA of the game through politics and even the practices of all Candidates …… Me, Me, Me and Me…. Pardon me, can these be Valuable or can these be presentable program for an outstanding Presidential candidate? I don’t know… the Filipino Masses are craving for brighter realization….. Sobra kasing pagbibigayan ng mga Officiales na nasa pwesto na…. kasi mayroon silang Utang na Loob …. di ba yoon ang sumisira sa atin?
Regards,
Bueno Silva
(Sent by email)
Hi Bueno,
Tama ka. Ang “utang na loob” ang nakakasira sa ating progreso. Mahirap mabayaran ang utang na loob kaya wala ng katapusan ang mga abuso ng mga opisyal sa gobyerno.
Perry
Thanks for the reply, Perry.
Your comments about Puno are public knowledge. But in the case of “Good vs. Evil” as a campaign shibboleth, it is Noynoy’s campaigners (are you one of them?) that is using it presumably in his favor and against all the other contenders. It must give Noynoy the shivers. It is an over-simplification and over-generalization that implies the height of presumptuousness.
Jimmy Cura
(Sent by email)
Hi Jimmy,
I’ve used “evil empire” to depict Gloria’s shenanigans in some of my articles — one of them was “The Evil Empire Strikes Again” — about corruption in her administration. But that was long before Noynoy came out in the national political scene. I’ve read a few articles by columnists in depicting a “good vs. evil” crusade to depose Gloria and her allies. Noynoy happen to be the model they used to lead the crusade.
Best,
Perry
when you said Pinoy wil say “Ha..ha..ha”. Sorry sir, you might as well just say Perry will say “Ha..ha..ha..” I and the rest of my group will go for Gibo basing on his credentials, track record, aspirations, the values he’s been constantly showing in all of his debates, interviews, political socio-economic events he graced. Hope you would realize you’re not representing the Filipino people. So stop generalizing as if everyone will go for that Ninoy you’ve been hailing and praising for what?
Sir between a manager who has a good moral character and a manager who has a good moral character, the will and the more than adequate competency, I will definitely go for the latter. And the latter objectively is not Noynoy.
By the way for #5 Corrupt == kurap. The blinking thingy. The successive pagsara-buka ng mata
I’m with you on that, Jianne. I’m also voting for Gibo.
My second choice is Gordon.
As for Noynoy, what dues must he pay for his lack of comment about “KAMAGANAK INCORPORATED” when it was in full operation under his mother’s presidency…a silence that he has maintained through the years and up until now? What will he do for the farmers of Dona Luisita to address their problems? Will he finally grant them lands they can call their own?
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