Pacquiao’s Talk with God
Balitang Kutsero
by Perry Diaz
Illustration by Dave San Pedro
Manny Pacquiao’s revelation that he had a talk with God has created an international sensation among cultists. In a rare interview, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported his conversation with Manny.
James: Manny, is it really true that you had a talk with God as reported in the news? As you know, the only other person who claimed to have talked with God was President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.
Manny: Bah! Gloria is a phony balloon.
James: Huh? Phony balloon? Oh, you mean “phoney baloney”?
Manny: Same thing. I’m the only one who can talk to God! He told me that Himself.
James: You’re pulling my legs, Manny. Prove to me that you really talked with God.
Manny: What? Pull your legs? What do you think I am, a quack doctor? Listen, it was on my birthday seven years ago when God appeared in my dream. He told me to go to Mt. Pinatubo and that He’ll give me the real 10 Commandments. He said it’s about time that His true commandments are revealed.
James: And? Did you go to Mt. Pinatubo?
Manny: Are you crazy! What if Mt. Pinatubo would erupt again!
James: Well, are you afraid that it will erupt while you’re up there?
Manny: Of course, I’m afraid. Look at what happened to Moses! He went up there and he was struck by a lightning and grew into a very old man.
James: That was Mt. Sinai, not Mt. Pinatubo.
Manny: Same thing. They’re both mountains.
James: So what did you do then?
Manny: Nothing. But God appeared again in my dreams three years ago. He told me that He’s disappointed that I didn’t show up at Mt. Pinatubo. But to prove that He loves me, He’s going to make me world champion seven times in seven weight classes. He also told me to run for political office next year. He said that I’ll win. He then told me to run for Speaker of the House. He warned me that Gloria will be my rival for the Speakership but not to worry because I’ll win over her.
James: Omigosh! Speaker of the House? That’s exciting! Did he tell you more?
Manny: He he he… Yep, He told me that after I become Speaker I should work to amend the constitution to change the form of government to a paramilitary system.
James: What? Paramilitary system? Or do you mean “parliamentary system”?
Manny: Same thing. He then said that once the constitution is amended, I should run for Prime Minister. He said that as Prime Minister I can transform the Philippines from a Third Class country straight to a First Class country, bypassing Second Class country. Wouldn’t that be great?
James: Manny, Manny, listen to me. You got it all wrong. What God probably meant was “from a Third World country to First World country.”
Manny: Same thing. He also told me that I’ll be “masaya” and the Philippines will become an “Enchanted Kingdom” in 20 years.
James: “Masaya” means “happy.” Is that what he really told you? Oh, I get it! He meant “Messiah,” the people’s savior, right?
Manny: That’s it! That’s it! “Mesaya,” the people’s sav… whatever.
James: Manny, you’ve been dreaming! These were the same things that Gloria had been telling the people for the past several years. Are you sure, it was God you’ve been talking to and not Gloria?
Manny: Well, I didn’t really see God. I only heard His voice. He has a man’s voice so it can’t be Gloria.
James: Manny, have you heard Gloria speak, right? She has a man’s voice! If you closed your eyes, you’d think that you’re listening from a man.
Manny: Hmmm… Gee, I think you’re right, James. Gloria does sound like a man when she talks.
James: You know what, Manny? What actually happened was that Gloria revealed to you her “master plan” on how to perpetuate herself in power beyond 2010! And you thought you were talking to God, huh? Ha ha ha…
Manny: I think you’re right, James. Now, I’m really mad, I’m going to urinate!
James: You mean you’re pissed off.
Manny: Same thing. I’ll campaign very hard to win a congressional seat next year and then I’ll compete with Gloria for the Speakership of the House. And I promise the Filipino people, I’ll beat her like I beat Morales, De La Hoya, Hatton, and Cotto. I’ll be the “Mesaya” and I’ll transform the Philippines into an “Enchanted Kingdom” within two years! Then I’ll crown myself as “Emperor Emmanuel the Greatest.” It will be the beginning of the Pacquiao dynasty which will rule the Philippines for two thousand years.
James: Omigosh! God save the Philippines!
PerryDiaz@gmail.com
What a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE if that is really God that talked to him!
We will see if that is going to happen as he said. I hope somebody
will save the PHILIPPINES from all of the Government Officials who
work only for their benefit. When God intervenes, then for sure the
Philippines will be in excellent hands!
Let us all hope for the BEST!
GOD SAVE THE PHILIPPINES!!! With sincere thanks and GRATITUDE!!! REMY
Perry,
This is great–so hilarious!!!
Now Manny has to deal with his lawsuit//libel case against Mayweather, Jr.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Cheers,
Mitzi
“Mesaya” o “Anderdesaya”? O baka naman sa loob ng saya ng mga chika?
Thanks Perry,
Glad to hear you have an invstigative reporter, – James Macaquecqauec.
How good is he in going into the “The Library of Congress of the US’ -
confidential files?
Any chance he might be able to resolve a 69 year old naval battle that took place in Australia in November 19, 1940, 15 days before Pearl Harbor was bombed.
Wherein the German raider ‘Kormoran’ and the Australian Cruiser HMAS
Sydney had an encounter in the Indian Ocean near Carnarvon, Australia.
Both vesels sank and have recently been found, howerer the question
is whether a Japanese submarine assisted in sinking said Australian cruiser?
Out of the 380 Germans in the Kormoran 315 of them & 3 Chinese survived. While out of the 645 Australians on the ‘HMAS Sydney’ there was only one sailor on a carley float that was washed away to Christmas Islands 2 months after said battle took place.
Sincerely,
Jaime Calero
(Sent by email)
I once spoke to a salesman from Cambodia. He was also frustrated with their corrupt government and said that the only solution to Cambodia was to nuke it.
I would say that every non-Politicians in the Philippines must apply to immigrate and when the Philippines is left with just politicians, then we can nuke them.
And here’s my thought on this- FIRST, if this interview really took place: Manny, you’re a great guy, the people’s champ and I’m sure you’ll be a great congressman and subsequently a great speaker of the house. With great intensions of turning the country around, if not the best but at least one of the best. But, Manny- turning the Philippines into an ‘Enchanted Kingdom’, crowning yourself as ‘Emperor Emmanuel the Greatest’ and calling it Pacquiao dynasty as ruler, I would say you are going way over your head. I hope the fall from the top will not be as hard. SECONDLY, I hope this interview never took place.
Anonymous
(Posted at FilamNation)
I thought some of it was troubling, and some of it quite humorous – specifically when they talk about GMA sounding like a man, cuz come on… she kinda does. And a funny, “subtle” way to recount GMA’s future endeavors. I also enjoyed the “masaya” vs. “Messiah” part. I highly doubt this interview is real. If it is, ouch.
(Comments posted on http://www.dasilog.tumblr.com)
Maybe God told him about Steroids. Or was that Ronnie *The Mouth*
Nathanielsz, who claims to have saved Ninoy from marcos via a TV
show even if they had to have s shouting match about it. Of course,
The Mouth won the argument against Marcos. At least that is what he says. Now he claims to be mum about it but only after saying that
he was in the LA office of the fight organizers when they were planning Mayweather bout. It was there when the story about Speaker Manny Pacquiao and his taking of steroids appeared. However, to quash all doubt,
Manny refuses to take a test a few days prior to the fight. Hmmm.
Now we have lawsuits left and right. Seems like Ronnie The Mouth
has not lost his touch.
So who to believe, the Mouth or The Fists of Fury? One questuion
bugs me. Why wont he admit to the tests? If he isn’t taking Roids,
he does not need to worry about a simple test. But an angry denial
plus a staunch refusal to take a test leaves lingering doubts on one’s
mind.
Great spoof, Perry. I’ll spread this to my friends. I particularly like the expression “going to urinate” to express being pissed.
Terry Sarigumba
Georgia
(Posted at FilamNation)
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